If you’re over 30 and never married, more than likely, you’ve felt the pressure. I overheard my mother talking with a friend regarding their respective single daughters, “I wish they would find good husbands to take care of them…”
My first thought was, “I don’t need a man to take care of me. I can take care of myself.”
It would be nice to have a man take care of me, but that’s not what marriage is all about. It would have been nice to give my mom some grandkids to look after, but we both have come to the realization that was not meant to be. The Rev. Dr. Dan Gilbert, Pastor of Peace Lutheran Church in Palm Bay, FL, gave me a good saying, “If you’re seeking a mate to satisfy your needs, you’re using your mate as an object of your satisfaction rather than as a benefactor of your love.”
All of us singles have pressure coming from somewhere to get married—well-meaning married friends who think we’re missing something and hope to relieve us of our singlehood or that neighbor lady who keeps asking when you’re getting married. Or your own insecurity that keeps hounding at you: What’s wrong with me? Am I too fat? Too skinny? Too tall? Too short? Am I not loveable? Why am I not married yet?
If you’re still single and starting to get desperate, please, relax. There are several common misconceptions about marriage and loneliness. You need to learn what a spouse can and cannot do for you and you’ll probably avoid a great disaster: a bad marriage. Christians are getting themselves trapped in disastrous marriages all the time. They marry the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. Before you start looking for marriage, you need to know what marriage is not.
Marriage is not a cure for loneliness. Many desperately lonely married people can vouch for that. Many times I have said to myself, “I hate being alone. Everywhere I look, I see couples—on TV, in cars, in restaurants, on the street walking hand-in-hand, couples…couples…couples. They remind me that I am alone. Will I ever find my soul mate?”
Do you ever feel this way? Society puts too much emphasis on meeting a mate. A mate might fill the space in your house, but he can’t fill the hole in your heart. God is your cure. Only God can fill the hole in your heart. By your faith in God, you need to believe that you are never alone. God loves you just as you are and He is always with you. You are never alone. Jesus is a friend who walks in when the world has walked out. As the Rev. Robert Shuller said, “I offer you Jesus Christ. Take Him and you’ll have an end to loneliness.”
To receive Christ into your life, pray this prayer wholeheartedly:
Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you received Jesus into your heart, welcome to the family of God! The following will help you deepen your relationship with Christ:
1. Pray. Just talk to God no matter where you are. He doesn’t care what the words are, just that they are sincere.
2. Read the Bible everyday to learn about Jesus and how to live that pleases God. Start with 1 John, then the Gospel of John, then Philippians.
3. An important part of helping your relationship with Christ grow is to tell others about Him. Demonstrate God’s love and be active in telling others about Jesus.
4. Find a bible-based church and become active getting to know other Christians. Find one with a singles ministry or groups for people your age. Many have groups for different interests. Shop around, but commit yourself to finding one and joining a church family.
(Read the Benefits of a Church Family).
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Soli Deo Gloria!