Setting Goals for Your Dating Life

Exercise 2: How to Achieve Your Goal
What is a goal? It’s a desired outcome; something you’re striving for; something you want; something you are willing to lend energy to—a result, an achievement to which you can point—real and unmistakable. You want to improve your quality of life by reaching your goal. Get a piece of paper and search your soul for answers to these exercises then write them down. 1. What is your overall purpose in getting into the dating scene, your long-range hope for yourself? Is it to get married to a person you really love—and like—unconditionally, who, in return, will love you in the same way, enough to make a life-long commitment?When I started writing the singles book in early 2004, my attitude towards dating changed from passive to active. I had been on an 8-year hiatus from dating. I am actively making an effort to find a spouse. My goal was to get married before I turn 50 (June, 2005). Time-wise, it was doable. I felt that if I found the right person, I would know it and if all worked well, I’d be engaged in six months and married in another six. It wasn’t impossible, just a challenge. I knew the type of person that I wanted and I was going to the best places where I have the greatest chances of finding him. I was being creative on ways to meet new people and opening myself to the people around me who may be potential dates whom I had never considered before. Yes, it is frustrating at times, but I look to the Lord for guidance and strength and I hope and pray that I will recognize my soul mate when I find him. (2009 Update: I’m 54 and still single.)Or is your goal to find a person you can love who loves you also, who wants to share companionship but not live together or get married?At the same time I decide to get back into the dating scene, friend of mine, a widow for two years, finally decided she was ready to start going out and getting into the dating scene. Problem was that she married her husband of thirty-something years right after high school. She never had any “dating” experience. Many women in their 40’s and 50’s are finding themselves in similar situations—whether it is from the death of a spouse or divorce. You feel like a 20-year-old, dropped into this strange world called the “dating scene.” Plus, you are just starting to discover who you are as a single person and enjoying it. You’re thinking of yourself as “I”—no longer a part of a “we.” You’re finding new things to enjoy, but you also feel the need to share it with someone—exploring and experimenting on who you are, what you like and don’t like and what you can do, what you need and don’t need. As you become more independent, you begin looking for more in your relationships. But, then you say, “I don’t want to get married, yet. I just started to live as a single person.” You want companionship, but not commitment. That’s fine, if you express that when you first meet someone. When you place an ad, you need to indicate that you want a casual dating relationship or just friendship. That way, only people who are looking for the same thing will contact you. 2. Accept life as it is and try to make it better. Learn from the mistakes you have made in the past by making a statement regarding each mistake that you wish to correct. What are your personal goals? Here are some suggestions:
To increase my own personal chances of finding love.
To meet more people no matter what.
To take note of my hesitancy and how it affects what I do.
To start doing things right now to search for love and not wait until I’m in a better place.
To believe that somewhere out there, God has the right person for me.
To stop my fears from manipulating my love life.
To work enthusiastically on my self-esteem.
To stick to my principles.
3. Rank your goals in the order in which you believe they will help you obtain your overall purpose. Common sense will tell you that certain goals must be reached before you can tackle others. For instance, you need to go out and start meeting new people if you’re going to run into that person that God has waiting for you. All goals are important—don’t eliminate any of them. Now, write each of your first three goals at the top of a clean page. These are now your main objectives. 4. Goals are attained by creating stages of specific transitional objectives—one step at a time. To attain your aspirations, these objectives must meet certain conditions: Each objective must be:Manageable – The objective must be realistic for you. Choose a small step that you know for sure that you are willing and actually able to do, and that, knowing yourself as you do, you believe has a good chance of actually being accomplished—like going to a church singles group before diving head first into the online dating scene. Meaningful – Each objective must be significant enough that accomplishing it makes you feel good and gives you a sense of progress. Don’t set up a task so irrelevant that it is meaningless. Attach positive values to each task.Measurable – Your objective must be both explicit and attainable in a certain period of time so that you will know with certainty when you have or have not achieved it. Like “I will try to go to at least three singles events by the end of this month.”Monitored – You need to put your objective deadline on your calendar and check it often to see whether you have achieved your objective. You can also get friends, family or members of a support group to help you do this. In addition, you need to evaluate your progress and have a friend who will encourage you in your efforts. However, don’t allow negative people to hold you back. Surround yourself with friends who think positive. If you have a bad day, stay focused on what your goal is and where you want to be. Think of where you’re going, not where you are today. Consider the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.Get Enthusiastic! This is the first day of the rest of your life! Pray. Have faith. Go for it! Success comes in cans; failure comes in can’ts.Read RiskIf you want to be able to hear what God’s will for your life is, you need to have a relationship with Him and His Son, Jesus.Click here to learn how to have a relationship with God and Christ.God Bless, Giselle

Phoenix Singles Examiner


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